She found herself

She hated to run, hated everything about it. That’s funny though, because her whole life she’s been running. Running from her fears, her dreams, her goals, people, things, relationships, responsibility, and life. She was running full speed ahead in the wrong direction. She was running away from herself, who she was. She was afraid. Afraid of failure.

Because she was so afraid to run, she played it safe her whole life. For eighteen years she played it safe. She made choices because they were comfortable for her. She made choices to change herself into something she wasn’t because she was afraid of failing to meet friends like her as she went off to college. She lost sight of who she was. All because she didn’t want to run. She refused to. She lost herself in the midst of it all. 

But today, she found herself.

She found herself as she was running. I can’t tell you why she decided to run that day, I don’t think she could explain that to you herself. But she did it. She ran. As she was running thoughts started pouring into, and through her brain.

She got caught up in her thoughts. While she was running, she flash-backed to the girl she was five years ago. She thought about the innocent, shy but will talk your head off once you get to know her, loving, caring, wouldn’t hurt a fly, sweet girl she used to be. She wanted that back. She thought about how much she’s changed. Who she had become wasn’t anything she was proud of. She missed the old her. It was then, during that run, she knew the changes she intended to make had to happen for herself. She couldn’t remain the person she had become. She let go of her fears. She was no longer afraid of the person she knew she could, and wanted to be. She was running forward, refusing to look back. She found herself once again. 

She felt so free, so unstoppable, so powerful. It was then that she realized she should have never been afraid to run. She should’ve been running all along. Running with her gifts, talents, and strengths. She should’ve been running with anything life chose to throw at her, free of fear. We can’t become what we need by remaining what we are. She decided she was going to stop walking at the same pace, and she was going to run. She was no longer scared of how hard it was going to be because she came to the conclusion that too many people miss what their called to do just because it looks “too hard”. She realized that the voice inside her head telling her she couldn’t do it was lying. Because she can, and she will.

She learned that if you’re afraid to do something, afraid to fail at it, do it anyway. Don’t settle for something when you know you’re plans are so much bigger. She was now ready to chase her dreams, and her goals. She was ready to form new relationships, ready to take on responsibility. She was ready to take on life, full speed ahead. She was finally running in the right direction. She was running towards who she wanted to be. She was no longer afraid.

 She found herself & it was beautiful.